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We adopted a mixed-breed puppy five months ago. She’s jet black with white patches, and she looks a little like a gangly raven. That’s probably why the women at the dog rescue named her Raven.
Within minutes of meeting her, four-year-old Ira declared, “Her name is Flower.” Many people have asked if we named her after the skunk in Snow White , so we’ve since re-watched that sweet scene (a few times). It would have been the perfect reason to name a black-and-white puppy Flower. But Ira had never seen it at the time, so it’s a strange coincidence.
Our house abounds with more puppy energy than usual these days. Two little boys and a puppy negotiating for attention with two elderly cats makes for a special brand of pandemonium — and a lot of joy. I grew up with dogs, but I’ve spent 15 years with feline companions. So Flower often astounds me. “She listens! She seems to like us! We can actually train her not to do something!” Of course, cats, the quintessential introverts, have no interest in such things.
Pets are a huge responsibility and expense. Americans spend 60 billion dollars a year on them. Lately I’ve been reflecting on what we get from these intimate inter-species relationships. Here are a a few of the lessons Flower is teaching (or reminding us of) these days.
You don’t need words to communicate
Dogs are experts at reading non-verbal cues and tone of voice. They watch us nearly as closely as our own infants and can supposedly read us better than chimpanzees and bonobos, our closest primate relatives. Scientists say humans and dogs evolved as companions over tens of thousands of years, and some theorize that wild dogs instigated the inter-species relationship by learning to understand our gestures.
For a long time, people assumed dogs were not as highly sensitive as they seem but were learning to recognize a cue, such as an angry voice. However a more recent study suggests dogs categorize humans’ varied emotional responses, which helps them attune to our moods. And the ability seems to be intrinsic (not learned). In any case, spending time with a dog is an amazing lesson in how much we communicate without opening our mouths and how much we can learn about people by paying attention.
Empathy is powerful
One afternoon on the way to the dog park, Flower was a bundle of excited puppy energy. It had just rained and the winding trail was slippery. As we rounded a curve, Flower saw the gate to the park, lunged for it, and pulled me down. Thankfully I wasn’t hurt, and what happened next surprised me. Flower forgot all about the dog park. She turned around, ran to me, curled into my lap, and started licking my face.
I spend a lot of time with two little boys who are still learning the ins and outs of empathy — “It doesn’t matter if you’re sad, right Mommy?” But empathy seems to come naturally to Flower. And she’s not unusual in the canine world. A dog is more likely to approach someone who’s crying than someone who is humming or talking, according to one study . Let’s face it, relationships — human or canine — can be challenging. But a little empathy sure goes a long way.
Movement is fun
Last spring when we were at the playground, kids, aged nine and ten, were arriving at the nearby track for soccer practice. Their coach instructed them to run laps to warm up. They complied, but they looked miserable as they trudged around in a half walk, half run. Sadly they sort of resembled the adults who were jogging around the track for exercise. Meanwhile the kids at the playground darted around playing tag, scurried to the top of a play structure, and swung across monkey bars. It struck me that kids should be the ones coaching us on joyful movement.
Dogs too are excellent movement coaches. Flower never jots exercise on the end of her to-do list with a litany of chores. Moving is one of her favorite things, second only to food, and she never takes for granted the simple joy of walking or running or playing ball. Her zeal for moving helps us all add more of it to our days. Moreover, she reminds us that it can be our favorite part of the day.
Categories Don’t Always Fit
I’ve read that adopting a dog can help with loneliness, not only because you have the dog as a companion, but because the dog invites more social interaction with other people. It’s true. Our walks these days are filled with happy conversations with strangers. It’s amazing to discover how many people love dogs.
Many passersby are curious about what breed Flower is. She is about as mixed-breed as dogs get. We usually list off a few of the breeds we’re relatively certain she has — English Pointer, Australian Shepherd, etc. But that answer often does not suffice. Quite a few people are convinced they know what category she’s actually in. From Jack Russell Terrior to Bulldog to Border Collie, we’ve heard lots of different ideas. We people sure like our categories, don’t we? Flower’s a good reminder that dogs (and people) don’t always fit in one.
Conclusion
I loved having a dog companion when I was a kid, and it’s fun to see how much my boys already love Flower. (Unfortunately our cats are not such huge fans.) Training a puppy is not easy, but it has a way of reminding us what’s important. Besides, watching Flower chase her tail never gets old.
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Walking has always been my favorite mode of transportation. Yes, it’s usually the slowest way to get somewhere, averaging fifteen minutes per mile. But it makes me feel clear-headed and invigorated when I get to my destination. Thus I’ve long preferred striding, strolling, or sauntering to driving, riding, and even biking. That’s why I’ve commuted by foot to school and work most of my life, even when I was nine months pregnant.
My kids don’t exactly share my zeal for bipedal locomotion.
“You know, the car is faster,” four-year-old Ira patiently explains as we amble toward his preschool.
“One block, Mom. One block. Then we’ll turn around,” seven-year-old Ezra declares as we maneuver our puppy out the door for an after-school jaunt around the neighborhood.
I’ve never seen research on the topic, but the mental health benefits of walking seem to diminish rapidly when a child is trudging beside you complaining. So I’ve allowed and even encouraged the boys to grab their bikes on walks in the past. Wheels tend to help them move along at a nice pace, and their complaining wanes.
However, this year I’m on a mission to get my kids walking more. I love bikes, but I’m convinced walking, the upright movement that distinguishes us as human, is an under-appreciated key to good health. Moreover, not walking — 35 percent fewer kids walk and bike to school than they did in 1969 — may be causing a lot of problems for our kids (and the rest of us).
Walking is Anti-Sitting
Walking is not as vigorous as running or playing. But it may actually be the moderate intensity of walking that makes it so good for us. Why? It doesn’t tire us out, so we continue to move around for the rest of the day. However, those vigorous bouts of high-intensity movement we usually call “exercise” often encourage us to sit more. In one study , exercisers were 30 percent less active on the days they hit the gym. That’s a problem, because varied all-day movement seems to be the ticket to optimal health.
You’ve probably seen the headlines that sitting too much increases cardiovascular issues, even when people exercise vigorously several times a week. Excessive sitting is bad for kids too. Just three hours of uninterrupted sitting caused the blood vessels of girls, aged nine to 12, to restrict in a study . Unfortunately most kids sit a lot. Worldwide, children sit for about 8.5 hours a day.
What’s the antidote to sitting? Lots of walking. Walking is not only good for our hearts and organs, it’s good for the entire body . Riding a bike gets the blood flowing, however the hips stay flexed, our shoulders hunch forward, and our tails tuck. However, walking, when done in proper alignment, is the opposite of sitting. The movement elongates the spine and tones the pelvic floor. Biomechanist Katy Bowman calls it a “biological imperative,” because we must do a lot of it to maintain a healthy body, especially a healthy skeleton.
Walking Builds Healthy Bones
Experts say childhood is the best time to invest in healthy bones. According to the National Institute of Health, bone mineral density peaks around age 20 for boys and 18 for girls. Healthy bone mineral density both makes kids less at risk for childhood fractures and less likely to experience osteoporosis and fractures later in life . Alarmingly, more kids may have low bone mineral density than in previous eras, according to Orthopedic Surgeon Shevaun Mackie Doyle, perhaps because they get less activity and exposure to sunshine.
Biking gets kids outside, offers cardiovascular benefits, and is great for the environment when it replaces car trips. But it’s not so great for bone health, according to a number of studies. In studies, cyclists , especially those who ride on smooth terrain, have the same or even lower bone density than sedentary control groups. (Swimmers also have similar bone density to sedentary people, likely because both groups don’t bear their own weight while they’re moving.)
Walking not only builds healthy bones, it encourages kids to run, jump, skip, gallop, tromp, and tree-climb, all of which are superb bone builders .
Walking Improves Quality of Life
Walking isn’t just important for our bodies. It boosts mental health . It helps people attune to the environment, rather than their worries, and has been shown to increase the size of the hippocampus and improve memory. Walking to school helps kids focus for the rest of the day and has been shown to reduce the need for kids to take ADHD medication, according to a British study .
Daily walks also boost immunity , decreasing people’s chance of getting a cold by as much as 30 percent. That may be especially alluring to parents as we enter another cold and flu season.
Maybe you’re already convinced about walking’s superhero qualities? Warning: your kids may not be. Mine complain walking is boring and say it makes their legs tired. Fortunately, there are lots of ways to make it more palatable.
How to Help Kids Love Walking
“You know, Mom, that was sort of fun,” Ezra remarked the other day after a one-and-a-half-mile walk to a school-related meeting. This walk is straight uphill, and a few months ago, he would have balked at the idea of it. So it was an exciting moment for me. However, getting him to this point required some effort on my part. The following tactics have made walking more fun for my kids and may help your kids enjoy walking more too.
Go Somewhere Fun
Whether it’s a playground or a birthday party, having a destination gets kids moving. One popular hike in our area is a winding uphill trek, but every kid I know hustles to the top. Why? There’s a swing up there.
Walk to School or on Errands
Walking is best when it’s used as a mode of transportation. That way, it becomes a seamless part of life, and kids and adults alike are less likely to think of it as optional “exercise.” Let’s face it, exercise is too often an activity we don’t enjoy that encourages more sedentary behavior for the rest of the day. It’s better to make walking routine.
Bring a Friend
Nothing seems to gets a kid moving like another kid. The instant a friend joins us, complaining vanishes as the kids race each other to the end of the block and scramble up trees.
Play games
A game of Red Light, Green Light or Follow the Leader is a sure way to get kids excited about a walk. We’ve invented our own walking game called Force Fields. Basically there are imaginary “force fields” we can fall into in as we walk, and someone has to rescue us with an imaginary rope or magic dust. The game relieves my kids’ fatigue and boredom quickly, and they have a great time thinking up variations, such as “whirlwind force fields” and “quicksand force fields.”
Expect to Carry Little Ones Sometimes
Little legs tire faster than ours, so our littlest kiddos will probably need to be carried sometimes. It may be tempting to bring along a stroller or backpack, and I do when we’re going a long way, but these tools can encourage more sitting than walking. So on shorter walks I leave them at home and expect to carry my four-year-old occasionally. Here’s what I’ve learned. When I resist carrying him, everyone is miserable. When I happily let him climb up on my back, he’s usually back on his feet and running around within a block or two. And the good news is, carrying little ones is something we’re built to do, and it makes our bones and bodies strong. Think of it as strength training with built in hugs.
Many adults are looking for ways to feel better, relieve musculoskeletal pain, and connect with our kids. At the same time, we’re worried that our kids get sick too much, spend too much time on the couch with electronics, or have trouble focusing at school. The solution to all of those problems and so many more is free and accessible to nearly everyone. Walk!
Do you walk with your kids? Have you found ways to make it enjoyable for them? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
We’re making the most of a stretch of sparkling spring days with tea parties, egg hunts, and fun-packed afternoons with friends. I’m sure the rain will send us inside soon. See you then….
Blood Moon Will Be a Sight to Behold During Total Lunar Eclipse – Ben Brumfield, CNN
Parking Lots Demolished as Driving Wanes – Romy Varghese, Business Week
bring your own cookies – Karen Maezen Miller, cheerio road
10 Things Creative People Know – Peggy Taylor and Charlie Murphie, YES! Magazine
20 Things Every Parent Should Hear – Beth Woolsey, Five Kids is a Lot of Kids
The Best Time of the Day for Creativity – Kevan Lee, Lifehacker
Get Ready! A tetrad of lunar eclipses, beginning in April – Earth Sky
Why do we make students sit still in class? – Carolina Blatt-Gross
How to Save Money on Food by Wasting Less – Lindsay Wilson, Shrink That Footprint
The Overprotected Kid – Hannah Rosin, The Atlantic
The Hard Alphabet – Sara Bir, Full Grown People
Ideas for Making Small Spaces More Efficient – Amazing Oasis
It’s the perfect time for me to read Free Range Learning: How Homeschooling Changes Everything , which author Laura Grace Weldon sent me for review consideration. My husband Aaron and I spent much of February visiting schools, because our five-year-old son Ezra will be eligible to attend kindergarten next year. Although we’re planning to enroll our boys in school, I’m glad I read Weldon’s book, which champions a way of homeschooling that verges considerably from what most public and private schools offer.
Weldon calls for highly individual, interest-led, experiential education that gives children lives full of “conversation, music, play, stories, struggles and overcoming struggles, chores, laughter and the excitement of examining in depth any of the rich wells of knowledge that humanity has to offer.” She’s critical of any system that “makes the child a passive recipient of education” whether its a public school or a homeschooling curriculum that prescribes conformity to standards. She doesn’t advocate any one prescribed style of homeschooling, but a flexible mix and match according to what best suits a family’s needs.
At 301 pages, published by Hohm Press, Free Range Learning looks like a textbook, but it’s not a dry read. Weldon’s writing is as clear and lively as on her popular blog , and she presents considerable eye-opening research about the value of homeschooling, like the following:
One study tested homeschooled as well as schooled children using the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, a measure of social development. On this test, the homeschooled children scored higher in socialization, communication, daily living skills and maturity. Overall the mean score of the schooled children stood at the 23rd percentile. In contrast, the mean score for the homeschooled children stood at the 84th percentile.
Weldon also gives homeschooling parents and homeschooled students a voice in pages of anecdotes, like this one by Linda from Ohio:
I did not plan to stay home with Jeffrey. As a licensed occupational therapist, I’d been eager to get back to work in a hospital setting. But when we put him in school he did very poorly. They slapped three labels on him before he turned six. We put him in private school. That was worse. We could see school wasn’t an option for him. So Matt and I reassessed. Now I have a part-time practice at home. … I think our family is closer as a result of this style of education, and Jeffrey has no evidence of the problems the school pointed to. I’m glad our son didn’t adjust to school and we didn’t accept their labels.
When we chose not to send Ezra to preschool this year, I realized how counter-culture homeschooling is. “Which preschool does he go to?” we’re asked regularly when we’re out and about. When I reply that Ezra stays home, many well-meaning parents relay the importance of preschool for a child’s social skills and development. I’m quietly heartened that the research suggests that young kids who stay home with involved parents thrive. In the same vein, I imagine homeschooling parents breathe a sigh of relief when they read Weldon’s supportive research and case studies.
She devotes the second half of the book to providing reams of ideas for exploring different subjects with kids, including all of the usual school subjects as well as business and finance, volunteerism, and ethics. In nearly every chapter, she provides an abundance of resources, including lists of youth organizations, mentorship programs, learning communities, online courses, service travel agencies, etc.
Weldon’s ideas and resources are impressive, but her real gift is her compelling and joyful vision of what a quality home education can look like:
Among today’s homeschoolers are children who wonder aloud any time of day and whose questions are answered. Children who stay up late to stargaze, who eagerly practice the violin and study Latin, who slosh in the edges of a pond to see tadpoles, who design their own video games, who read books till noon in their pajamas. These children are empowered to be free range learners.
I was lucky to grow up with voracious lifelong learners, who were my greatest teachers. Books were stacked on every surface in our house. On weekends we visited ghost towns and museums, attended history lectures, and met all kinds of interesting writers and thinkers. My parents liked to joke that they homeschooled us, but we also went to school. I hope to follow in that tradition with my kids.
Truthfully, when my older sister went to school, I begged my parents to send me to preschool, and I loved school all the way through college. As an adult, though, I’m increasingly concerned about our approach to schooling. As Weldon points out, our standards-obsessed education system, with its focus on test scores and grades too often discourages creativity, curiosity, risk-taking, and initiative. As my first child embarks into kindergarten, I’m just as concerned as Weldon that “the very structure of school makes the child a passive recipient of education designed by others.”
My family is fortunate to live in a community with an abundance of school choice, and we’re planning to send Ezra to a public alternative school that favors interest-led, project-based learning and favors cooperation over competitiveness. I hope it’s a good fit for him and that he loves school as much as I did. If it’s not, we’ll re-evaluate and happily consider other options, including homeschooling. No matter what we end up doing, I’m thrilled to have Laura Grace Weldon’s beautifully written book at hand. It’s every parent’s job to create an enriching household that fosters a love of learning, and Weldon offers an invaluable resource for doing that.
New Parenting Study Released – Sarah Miller, The New Yorker
Science Compard Every Diet, and the Winner is Real Food – James Hamblin, The Atlantic
The Wonders and Eternal Shelf Life of Honey – Natasha Geiling, Smithsonian
When Mothers Get Moving, Children are More Active Too – Linda Poon, NPR
The Simplest Thing that Makes the Happiest People in the World So Happy – Eric Barcer, Barking Up the Wrong Tree
Lessons in Organic Urbanism from India – Taz Loomans, Blooming Rock
Finally . . . the first day of spring is March 20! Here are some simple ways to celebrate.
Explore
Go on a hike and identify wildflowers if some are sprouting in your area. Or visit a local farm and see if you can get a glimpse of calves, lambs, or chicks in the barnyard.
Play
Fly a kite. Or make dandelion or clover chains and wear them as spring crowns.
Gather
Hunt for spring flowers, cherry buds, egg shells, a bird’s nest, and other signs of spring. Decorate the house with crocuses, daffodils, tulips, or dandelions.
Observe
Watch the sun rise and set. (You can find out what time it will rise here .)
Plant
Sow seeds. Have each family member pick a favorite flower to plant. Designate a special garden, and make a ceremony of it.
Read
Check out this list of novel s “where the characters blossom and where there is hope in the midst of struggles, like flowers on bare branches.”
And don’t forget about the kids. Some of my family’s favorite spring picture-books are: Spring: An Alphabet Acrostic by Steven Schur, Spring by Ron Hirschi, and Home for a Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown. We also enjoy reading aloud from The Spring Equinox: Celebrating the Greening of the Earth by Ellen Jackson.
Eat
Make a spring feast with the first crops of the season. Dandelion leaves, steamed nettles, and asparagus are delicious spring greens. Other traditional spring foods include eggs, ham, and sweets. Eat outside if weather permits, or have a picnic on a blanket in the living room.
Make
Attract birds to your yard by making these easy Audubon-approved bird feeders out of peanut butter and bird seed.
Or create your own traditions to welcome spring this Thursday.
Resources for seasonal celebrations:
The Artful Spring by Jean Van’t Hul Ceremonies of the Seasons by Jennifer Cole The Spring Equinox: Celebrate the Greening of the Earth by Ellen Jackson Together: Creating Family Traditions by Rondi Hillstrom Davis and Janell Sewall Oakes The Creative Family by Amanda Blake Soule
Do you have plans or ideas for how to celebrate spring this year? I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
What Happens in One Minute Around the World – Robinson Meyer, The Atlantic
Farm-to-Table Living Takes Root – Kate Murphy, New York Times
Freedom in 704 Square Feet – Sandy Keenan, New York Times
Help Kids Learn About Business and Finance : 60+ Resources – Laura Grace Weldon
Americans Are Riding Public Transit in Record Numbers – Justin Prichard, Associated Press
‘Genius Hour’ : What Kids Can Learn From Failure – Emanuella Grinberg, CNN
It feels like the perfect day to revisit this post (and I’m still in need of a fabulous February tradition if you have ideas to share).
“In the coldest February, as in every other month in every other year, the best thing to hold on to is each other.” – Linda Ellerbee
So maybe I was a tad optimistic in that title. Perhaps I should have stuck with “fine” or “fair”. We are talking about February, after all. I often find this month a bit, well, challenging. All of the newness of the year – the parties, the resolutions, the bowls of black-eyed peas – too often give way to the realization that there are lots of cloudy days and long cold nights to go as my little corner of the earth rotates back toward the sun.
I love winter. It just has considerably more appeal in November, when sweaters, crackling fires, and root vegetables are still novelties. Apparently I’m not alone. A quick Google search turns up dozens of articles and blog posts entitled, “February Sucks,” lamenting everything from Valentine’s Day to midterms to sinus infections.
But this month, I decided I will not just quietly cope with my February malaise. I’m on a mission to pull February from its shadowy reputation – at least in our house. In August, as we’re sitting outside watching the sun set at nine and eating vine-ripened tomatoes, hopefully we’ll say, “This is nice, but remember February?”
Maybe you can use some February mood-lifters too? Here are five ways I’m hoping to rescue this poor wreck of a month:
1. Plan the Garden
What’s the next best thing to eating those first sweet, crunchy snap peas and juicy raspberries? Dreaming about them, of course. And what better way to do that then to sketch out some garden plans? Last year, planning was my key to gardening success, and I learned a lot from what worked and didn’t work. I’m looking forward to spending some February afternoons with a cup of tea, some gardening books, and my sketch pad.
If you don’t have space or desire for a garden, you could plan some containers for your deck, or a window box, or adopt a house plant. Just glimpsing plants has been found to speed the recovery of surgery patients and improve workers’ job satisfaction. Hopefully plants can help rescue February too, a month altogether wanting for more shrubbery.
2. Invite someone new over for dinner
We have new neighbors, who also happen to be old acquaintances, and we’ve been meaning to invite them over for awhile to welcome them to the neighborhood. February is calling for a break-up in the old routines. Why not invite someone new over to your house too? It’s the perfect excuse for a feast. Eat. Play some games. Discuss ways to spruce up February.
3. Create something everyday
Around this time of year, after all of the baking and the making that comes with the holidays, I often find myself in a creativity lull. Dr. Kelly Lambert might say this explains why February is so challenging for me. She asserts that cooking, knitting, sewing, building, or repairing things with our hands and seeing tangible results from our efforts bathes our brains in feel-good chemicals. I know she’s right. I feel much better when I’m creative. “An art or craft everyday” is my new February motto.
4. Listen to music
Music – notably up-tempo music played in a major key – makes people happy. Research indicates that listening to music we enjoy triggers the release of the natural opiates known as endorphins. And in studies, music has been found to boost surgery patients’ immune systems, lower stress in pregnant women, and reduce complications from cardiac surgery. I know music makes everyone in my house happier, and yet I often simply forget to turn it on. I hereby proclaim February the month of music. We will listen, sing, play, and dance.
5. Start a new tradition
Okay, so I’ve come up with a few ways to improve the next couple of weeks, but what about next February and the February after? I mean, if I’m going to make this a legendary month, we need a tradition that we talk about all year. Should we make valentines? Or truffles? Go on a scavenger hunt? Take off for a weekend getaway? I haven’t decided yet … I’m hoping you’ll share your ideas.
Do you love February, or at least like it? Do you have any fabulous February traditions? I’d love to hear from you.
Hi, I'm Abby Quillen. Welcome to my blog! You can find more of my writing at abbyquillen.com . Read More…
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